the power of three.

assalamualaikum and hye..

now its special semester. malas gile nak pergi kelas. with calculus and medical imaging in the morning, plus PDE in the late afternoon is tiring.

but i have no choice. nak tak nak, kena pergi. kena buat, dan kena datang. but, mak cakap, " takpe, jgn putus asa. belajar bagus. tak buang masa walau me-repeat"..

sometimes, rasa frust juga. kawan-kawan yg telah tamat blaja, pergi tioman. sangat bes.. aku dapat rasakan kebesannya.. bangun pagi, angin yg melekit2 dari air laut serta mendayu dapat aku rasakan.. besss......

tapi apa yg aku rasakan skrang adalah, bangun pagi, mandi, jam, serta menghadiri kelas yg horror sbb ada kemungkinan gagal lagi. ia adalah perasaan yg sangat menakutkan.. ia adalah rutin selama 4 tahun dan sangat meletihkan..

i already hate the person who most of the time supervise me on my thesis, but lately after a confrontation, i lose all the respect towards her. nada. nil. zero. zero respect. i have no respect.

sometimes dia cakap main suka hati. tak pikir org lain serta penting kan diri sendiri. cakap seperti malaikat tanpa ada rasa serba salah sedikit pun. dia adalah manusia sempurna.. tiada kesalahan, tiada kesalan. dan dia adalah manusia terhebat yg pernah hidup..

padahal, antara ulama terkenal dunia tak kenal, tetapi menghasilkan buku yg hebat ttg solat. giga serta mega amat mengelirukan dirinya serta fungsi RAM dan harddisk pun tak tahu.. berani mengaku amanah, padahal mcm la kita tak tahu kisah dirinya.

cuma aku harap, suatu hari nnti, dia akan rasa apa yg aku rasa dan serta kawan2 aku yg telah dia sakiti.

i need a year to go. a year full of challenges. a chinese lecterur who taught programming next semester said to me after he knows that i will be taking his paper, he said, "matilaa kamu", and smile cynically. so i shouted at him (because jarak agak jauh), "i will survive, i have too".

ingenuity, courage and self-sacrifice is important for survival.

challo
salam
hmo

decisions..decision..

assalamualaikum and hye..

today, bad news for me. something about my results.

an early failure rings in my ears.

i feel stupid.

i think im not smart enough to be here. what ever i do turns into rubbish.

luck is not on my side. some one i knew, counted their final paper and only manage to get 10 marks, but passed with C+. but i dont think im that lucky.

i rarely give excuses. but for my failure, the only excuse is my stupid-ness. someone only can resist failures once in a while. not always. failure is more on me than i have time to think.

its hard to control emotion and frustration. even to control ur voice and the ability to think pun kadangkala rasa mustahil..

but today, me being totally under control with sarah is something i regard as me able to control my anger and my sarcastism.

i would love to go to tioman with my classmates. but im so sorry, if im there, im able to bring the cheerfulness down to zero.. i just cant go. i dont feel like it.

even thou if i passed dgn markah kesian atau rayuan, im still stupid. it doesnt change anything.
studying doesnt means anything to me, if im not able to memorize.

** the word "an" is only used in grade terms when u got "an A". but other grades, its just "a" B or "a" C or "a" D or "a" F. there is no E in UM.

challo
salam
hmo

taste of loneliness..

asslamualaikum and hye..

special sem starts today. i rack a total of 9 credits hour this semester. im gonna bust if im not prepared for the finals at june.

today i got the early feeling of being alone and surviving at UM by myself. mostly of my frens are waiting to graduate, i will be searching for nonsense for another year.

di sini kawan2 aku akan bergraduasi

a fren beside u in class or in exam hall could be ur lifeline, ur sidekick or even your saviour. cheatscodes, tips, and answer given to you by your fren could differentiate a C or C-.

now im ALONE. fack..

feel sick when knowing that u gonna be eating alone, pergi bangsar sorang2, and senyum sorang. gi lab com sorang2 pun cukup menyeksakan. fack..

now, at the moment, i could have siddik, or afiq at HP. but later, im gonna be alone. stuck with someone im not close with.. fack again..

aku cakap kat sid, "lepas sem khas, aku nak letak jawatan. putus asa blh?". sid hanya gelak. dia cakap "chill.." aku dalam hati, owh, fack again. i hate his guts..

people says i have a gf. but my gf is working. not a student. i cant disturb her when ever i wanted to. she have her own life..

how hard is being alone? hmm. bayangkan ko kat pelantar minyak kat tgh2 padang pasir, penuh dengan warga asing. semua makanan tak halal. tandas kotor. bunk bed ada baw. makan tak sedap, and the weather sucks. or imagine, u in some foreign country, working as a engineer, no one knows u, and the people ko kenal adalah kat opis. and they have their own life.. ko gi kerja, balik umah ALONE.. something like that..

yes, my life alone is just a few hours.. but how do u explain if u are used to have people around you, and suddenly they are gone?

imagine, when at UM, when u are bored, gi ajak member tgk wayang, gi makan, ponteng kelas, blh buat APA-APA saja sebagai student. and when ur frens are gone, u are alone, u will be asking "what the fack??". skrang nak gelak pun tak blh.. demm..

this what happen to people who are close to their frens like me..

today qish pass PDE. jas cakap, "taniah qish, ko berjaya kalahkan abu omar awang", and today also dia kena tukar tayar RM120..

papehal, the guys of biomed adalah gempak.

vida la biomed

**sometimes, i dont understand people who dont "walk the talk." they want the stuff early. and complaint about it. but they themselves doesnt make extra initiative for it..

**sometimes, reality and logics doesnt fits in real life, it doesnt fit in people dreams. so people tend to run from reality and not being logical..

and to alino, thanks for all the hardwork on this classic video., simple but priceless....

challo
salam
hmo

four years..

assalamualaikum and hye..

dah 4 tahun aku hidup di UM bersama rakan2. lebih lama lagi dari aku masa belajar di politeknik shah alam. aku masih ingat lagi bila aku tulis blog di FS mengeluh susah nye blaja di UM, dan sampai skrang aku masih mengeluh tak sudah..

4 tahun telah berlalu. 99% dari kelas biomed 2005 akan grad. im going to extend a bit.. i dont mind.. i have to finish this..

i still remember (while im still single) at um, a good fren of mine, jessie, always encourage me to be tough, study hard and try to survive there. if not because of her, maybe i have already drop this course. and this encouragement continue when i knew sarah, and of course, aku berjaya ngorat sarah and took her as my partner.

biomed 2005 bg aku sangat spesel. we are known to our "bisingness". even lecterurs yg masuk siap cakap, " saya tahu ini kelas sangat hebat and sangat bising". we do live with the trademark. each person in this class has it own personality and it affect the class.

to talk about my WHOLE classmate, im sure is not fair. because i dont know them personally. but what im going to share is, how most of them affect me, and how important frenship are.

+ alinur ayuni: one of my most closest fren. watak utama yg membantu pelajaran aku. dari tutoring sampai laa tolong bg notes, shes the girl. stadi, enjoy, karaoke, movies, go cart, genting, wall climbing, baseballing, brainee, planner, thesis, lifehouse, dan paling penting, makan.. we could plan and people follow.. cakap cabut, semua orait, cabut. makan, orait semua makan. shes the best fren u wanna be around. kalau dalam mafia, im the capo de tutti capi, she shud be the consigliere.

+ hariz: budak nih lagi sorang. tak ngan lino i wud be with mamat neh. we do all the same things with alino. tuh yg alino perasan dia ada bodyguard. but with hariz it makes things funnier. it completes the circle. jokes, membuli, mengepow, mengutuk, takkan lengkap tanpa hariz. i cant pow alino if im alone or with some other guys. just with ares, we do MAGIC.. ahahhah..

+sid: pro MANU.. hate his guts.. muke selamba. jiwa tenang. tiada masalah yg tidak dapat diselesaikan. semua pasti boleh. bg dia 2 hari, tesis setel, bg 2 jam, PNO pun leh hafal. one of the earliest frens of my and the on of the early ahli of 7. kaki kara-koke, bowling asyik menang je, so i retired, and jantung sebesar kacang. futsal 10 minit, muke biru. ada moto lagenda yg slalu aku tumpang, and teman setia pada abu omar awang..

+abbad: die hard liverpool. muke baik gile. tapi haram.. sama otak gak ngan kita org. i considered him as the one with the responsibility. u r in trouble? u ask for abbad. but kena laa tahan cerita dia. A-Z.. mmg lama. takpe. yg penting ur help disetelkan oleh abbad. where can u find a fren that sanggup ajar member dia while his paper is waiting to be studied? he is the guy. hopefully ko berjaya dalam hidup.

+afiq: partner in the chelsea camp. dont mess with chelsea if me and afiq around. age 23, but thinks like 26. kaki nescafe n kuat isap rokok. aku pun mabuk bau..

+nasir: the soft guy. lemah lembut. hahaha. paling sopan. gelak dia paling taik. mmg leh wat korang terasa. ketawa joker secara lembut. ahahha. geng ngan abbad sbb liverpool.

+balqish: dulu dikenali sbg "the great wall of china". personaliti yg sukar di baca.. we all belive she has a synchronise pacemaker. she is calm like siddik but far more better. tapi aku nampak side dia yg gile when we stadi anatomy sesama..

+jas: org paling berani dalam kelas. hahahah. she have a blikey? is it? dah lupa. tak puas hati, dia main sound je. lecterur dak2 dalam kelas, semua mangsa. i have a good rship with jasmina. well, u go girl!

+ena-eno: aku lambat mengenali makcik nih. dia suka cakap kuat2. mmg xleh bawak masuk wayang. dia adalah sumber terbaru aku n hariz mengutuk.. ahahaha. tapi takpe she is the tough one. weak spot adalah bila anda kenen kan dia ngan supperabbad..

+jannah: hubungan aku ngan jannah adalah rahsia. hahahahahah.. aku suka kacau dia. sangat cool. senyum je. antara tulisan yg paling kemas pernah aku jumpa. bangga dengan ketahanan gula2 halls yg paling pedas.

where can u find frens yg teman u stadi even thou dorang nye exam dah habis? where u can find a fren where u can share ur feelings? where u can find a fren when u tak segan nak mintak tolong?

i quote from engkuan, when a lecturer (datin) ask him. " i want to ask the brightest student in this class, what is bla bla bla".

he said, this is what i can remember, or some sort. " we are all bright, we are all smart, im not the only one".

i like this class, and my frens here. im gonna miss them. for those nama yg tiada, doesnt mean i dont care, u are special in every part of my 4 years together..

and now, lets finish the thesis viva classmates!

biomed05
(two people missing)

challo
salam
hmo

en route to UM..

this story happen yesterday (monday) inside baby M with me and adik. aku kena hantar adik balik UM.

adik: abg, abg taw tak abg A and abg B dah ada keta..

me: " fuyooo", where abg A and abg B were my guy cousins which are a year and two yearsyounger. "dorang beli keta apa?"

adik: keta persona and myvi. pastu dorang pun dah nak tunang..

me: wooo.. patot laa parents dorang turun kl..

and the story goes on and on which makes me think and think and think, and makes me think tooo much..

well for those yg senang terasa, jgn baca blog ini. bcoz aku sangat emo skrang, and when aku emo and blogging, aku spt org yg keji..

well my two cuzens went to a local university that is not as crazy as mine. i still remember when their parents datang umah lepas convo anak masing-masing. and on the table, ada buku convo where all the student names are listed. well, my both of my cuzen here are dean list which makes me not AMAZED even a bit.

why? almost a page of them are dean listed and with a cgpa of 3.5 above. while at UM an engineering student must achieved a min of cgpa 3.75 and plus the subjects are all crazy. and nak jumpa manusia 3.75 mcm nih mmg sangat rare. bukan dak2 univ aku tak pandai, matrix stock 4 flet semua, but UM is just tooo tough.

and makes me wanna laugh more, their degree, whereas i cant think what kind of subject they have been learning for the past 4 years. u cant even imagine THERE is such a degree..

well i feel happy for them. im positively sure that i have gone to the wrong university where all my lecturers are hardcore. where helping and sympathizing are a sin. where letting go a student who is C- to C is also impossible.

all small things such as "u have to let me sign on your thesis first before u send to the office" are regarded as BIG DEAL, while running away from taxes are not. changing up their mind in the nick of time and add up a tonnes of garbage into your head and setteled is in 2 days is ok, while u are complaining that not having lunch and rest is a BIG DEAL..

for me where is the fairness? mana adil nye sistem mcm nih. i better start to respect people yg amik subject yg relative easy in other university because they are smarter in choosing their life path rather than me who is already in hell.

i better respect them bcoz, kuar2 keje setahun senang2 beli kereta and "tadaaa" boleh kawen. even someone i know who is better than my cuzens with a respectable degree from UM pun susah nak dapat loan kereta.

but people will say its rezeki.. okaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... aku percaya pada qada' dan qadar'..

+ ada my fren cakap, universiti aku best. which is true.

+ ada my fren cakap, universiti aku jaga gile kita org. which is true (u guys are paying a fucking 100000 for the degree).

+ ada my fren cakap dorang pandai. im a three pointer. which is true, aku jemput masuk UM. stadi kat sini pulak. tgk three ke tak..

+ ada my fren cakap, ko gila stadi mcm nih? univ aku senang jek. which is also true. ko D dah PASS. aku D masuk kelas ngan dak kecik.

+ ada my fren cakap, tesis aku lagi susah dari ko weh!. ko nye lagi senang! aku ada nih, itu, power tuh, jumpa nih, jumpa sana. which is true. but sila berkenalan dgn supervisor jabatan aku... nak berkenalan?

+ and finally, ada my fren cakap, we are the best univ in malaysia. our subject follow university overseas.

itu aku cakap, please FAKAP!.

salam
challo
hmo

in remembrance of my final thesis.

aarrgghh!!

assalamualaikum and hye..

hidup aku makin stress..

pagi tadi aku bangun pukul 9am. cuak! teringatkan presentation AI at 10! fcuk! im late. rush mcm org gile. mandi, pakai jersey chelsea. kasi abbad (budak red) muka panas sket.

sampai 955am. im still on time. as usual, cikgu tak masuk lagi. aku dari cheras, im not late. dia tingkat satu, 30minit..

1030 cikgu masuk. dia cakap, "HURRY! start your ppt! ur class is LATE!".. siddik buat2 batok, terkuar "bhhutoo", me as usual, kamus carutan, page 35.

then, at 11, cikgu kata. "semua salah. redo. isnin ppt". aku bukak kamus carutan lagi. page 50.

then class revision dr azuan at 1. he talk about graduation, robes, work, pictures, makan-makan.. hmm feel sad about it.. conteng jelaa diary tuh.. *sigh*..

takpe. im ok about it. still could smile. at 4pm, got a msg from qish.. so went to electronic lab, to help her on the power supply. sorry qish, cant do anything for u.. will help u later if i can.

6pm, jumpa kawan lama. nik den. gi lowyat.. rasa mcm zaman blaja dulu2.. bosan2 p lowyat ngan nik den.. tapi kali nih, nik den blanje dinner kat uptown.. woohoo! happy sket.

10pm, jumpa adik. bg yong tau foo. bought for kak mah and aini tooo. me, dah nak mati. penat gilee.. tapi skrang asal aku buat blog lagi, tak tahu la..

godfather2 is waiting. my psp is waiting to be touched and caressed, and my room needs a major clean up.

still parking is an issue at UM. even a porsche is not being missed.

Figure 1: porsche kena clamp.

salam
challo
hmo

time..

assalamualaikum and hye..

masa sangat penting bagi aku. tak kisah laa mcm mana aku gunakan masa itu, ianya penting bagi
aku.

melepak, baca buku cerita, main game, tak kira laa mcm mana ianya nampak tak berfaedah pun, ianya amat peting bagaimana aku menggunakan masa itu.

zaman kat poly, aku sgt menghargai masa, sbb ulang alik shah alam <--> cheras adalah sangat menjenuhkan. itu termasuk singgah kat jalan duta hantar and ambil emak.

so ketika itu aku sentiasa siapkan kerja aku dgn cepat. hanya anip and fiza je yg mampu catch up ngan aku masa tuh.

bila masuk UM? i got slow.. why? dunno..

and i hate waiting. dont let me wait. it spoils the mooooood.

+ sarah pun takkan terlepas dgn moody aku kalau dia lewat hanya 5 minit. itu pun jarang dia lewat.

+ mak akan pastikan dia dan adik siap dulu sblm suruh/kejut aku hantar mereka ke mana2.

+ im ready to leave my frens behind if they are late. for me its their problem.

+ aku akan sungguh2 buat keje sampai siap kalau aku tahu esok aku nak enjoy. tak kisah laa tido ke tak.

+ and bila aku dah janji ngan kawan nak lepak, tetapi keje aku tak siap, i would say, "please enjoy urself. its ok", and let them going. and i will say sorry for thousand times because couldnt join them.

+ and when i make someone wait for me, i will apologize sampai aku penat.

+ stakat neh hanya ayah, nana, sarah, peroz, and joe is either early or on time when they make a deal with me.

appreciate time and consider people who are waiting for u. waiting sucks.

salam
challo
hmo