Rejections and Failure

Assalamualaikum and hye,

Sometimes when I look at Lisa, my nephew and nieces, they all live in a world of their own. They might not know how we as parents struggle, how we tried to put up with their tantrums, or even how we live our own lives until the end. 

Being a parent myself, I had understand how hard our parents tried to bring us up as a human beings. Trying to put a meal on the dinner table, toys for us, clothes, gadgets or even our underwear. It not an easy task. But what is the best thing we can do? Pray for them. I am sure what we had face in this current situation, they might had faced the same fucking problem. 

Also, not only our parents shape us what we had became, our aunties, uncles, bibiks or what ever, they also played a major role into our upbringings. So it always come back to me that, always remember them in our prayers. 

Part of life is growing OLDER. It makes sense now. Sometimes we complaint we had small pay, stupid jobs, crazy colleagues, or better, everything seems against us. Why? 

I would like to recall my time again at UM. As to whom knew my life, UM is a place where there is no bottom and ups for me, but what make it difference is the people surrounding me. When everything seems to be against you, sometimes you even complaint about God not being fair to you, but God do sent other human beings to help you around. 

A roommate of mine Nik Sai, always remind me, God will not test out of a person limit. It is true, because I am one of the person who kept being rejected and failure in a lot sort of way in UM. But the magic came from my parents, siblings, classmates, close friends and even the best lecturer I ever had Dr. Azuan. With out him, maybe I ended being some one who has no vision or striving capabilities. 

Being rejected even being on the peak of your career is always a big blow out to my self esteem. But maybe that is the way how God makes you realize that you are fucking nobody, but I do realize that if you remember Him more, prostrate to Him, ask Him, He would give back to you. Either you realize it or not. 

Being rejected is not the end of the world, YES it hurts, but I do have to let it go. God might had better plans for me. He had planned it since the creation of the universe. 

Anyway, I should learn my lesson when I was at UM. Maybe its time God tried to put me down back and remember Him... 

What is better having a kid to give you high blood pressure?? 

When things don't come EASY..

Assalamualaikum and Hye..

Could you believe that it had been more than 12 months from my last post? I am sure no one is reading it, so ini cerita dalam blog ini lebih kepada syok sendiri.

Lisa is 2.5 years, me working in a same company more than two years which is a record already, and still things don't come easy in life. 

Why? Because when I do observe the people surrounding me, some of them get things so easy. It could be a new job, new car, new wife [HAHAHAHA], and some of them seems life is so easy. But I do learn that that is not the case. We might not know what the hardship he or her had endure, the sacrifice he or she had faced, or the challenges they had gone through. 

Anyway, I had faced this situation since zaman UM lagi. Politeknik years flies like an F-22. No pressure, no issues. Apa maw issue kalau kasut yang di supply oleh kakak sendiri tidak boleh kurang dari RM500? No issues at Politeknik. But, when I entered UM, all the bottom lows I had felt. Maybe nak lagi hebat, mungkin kena buat Master and PHD at UM. 

So when EASY life does not comes to me, I understand. It just my wife and I always experience until now. But the hard thing is controlling the temper and frustration. Syaitan dan iblis sangat sangat la membisik pada telinga supaya mengamuk, sakit hati, iri hati dsb. The best thing is? Reset the mind dan sentiasa bersyukur apa yang Allah telah beri. Rezeki tuhan yang beri. No one else. You have to do the ground work, and the rest let God decide. 

Anyway, be positive, try to smile and let see what tomorrow comes. 

Orang Buta

Assalamualaikum and hye.

I dunno why my pictures on my blog tetiba hilang. Tak bayar fees kat Google gamaknya. Anyway, I suddenly want to share what happen to me dengan orang buta.

This is a old story, and I don't even tell my wife about it. Some stories you keep to yourself, but today I just felt like sharing it.

Back then I was working with Boon Edam. Most of my site was at KL Sentral. I was handling 4 project at that time and maintenance cost was crazy. The parking most of it. Back then, parking is something I couldn't claim. Its just the rule.

So being at KL Sentral everyday I had my favorite spot for having my breakfast. The mamak shop under the pedestrian bridge, and a malay eatery at the end of the row nearby 7-11.

At this Malay shop, akan ada sentiasa orang buta makan. And a few occasion, I would just observe them. What they do, what they talk to their partner [I know eavesdropping is bad], how they move around etc.

Sometimes, I will quietly pay for them. I will just walk to the cashier and said I will pay for the person meal.

One morning, as usual, having my breakfast at this shop a blind person walks in. He ordered 3 sandwiches and a mee soto or something for his breakfast. I do know that in my wallet there is only around RM 30 [more or less], being an engineer doesn't earn much okay! Lagi-lagi parking bayar sendiri, so 10% of your pay dah buat untuk parking.

Tak kisah laa, so dah niat nak belanja orang, so I called the waiter to kira kira my food [shouldn't be more than RM 5] and I cakap kat waiter tu kira sekali makanan orang buta tu. The waiter pull out his calculator and kirakan makanan orang buta sebelah meja I nih, and suddenly dia kirakan sekali makanan orang buta [husband and wife] kat meja depan. I tak perasan ada lagi orang buta because I was behind them. I don't mind paying for them too but I have only RM 30 in my wallet!

Time tu dah nervous. Takkan nak cakap kat waiter tu, jangan kira orang depan tu. Nak belanje orang kena laa ready duit. In that moment I was praying to Allah, tolonglah cukupkan duit aku ini, janganlah malukan hamba mu ini kerana niat aku hendak menolong orang lain.

And the waiter was pressing so many numbers, I dah cuakkkk. But suddenly, guess what, Tuhan maha kaya. Takkan malukan hambanya yang ingin membantu orang lain. Waiter tu cakap, okay abang semua RM 28. FUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh..........

I do believe that Allah akan tolong hamba dia, in anyway. At least aku tak malukan diri sendiri time tu. The money I earn every month its not for me 100%. I know that it also meant to be for someone else in need.

Just doa kepada Allah, murah rezeki, and yakin laa in time of need, He will help you. Lots of experience in my life that makes me stronger there is no GOD than Allah, and only He could help you when you are in dire needs. InsyAllah.

Hafiz

ayah..

assalamualaikum and hye..

Dah 7 bulan aku jadi ayah. Ingat senang ke jadi ayah? Selain tanggungjawb hakiki sebagai ayah, sometimes you have to be a super dad kalau nak survive dalam perujuangan ini. Mcm battle of the bulge juga. Contohnya:

1. Jadi ayah kena ada mata infra-red, night vision dan juga visualasi yang tinggi dalam bilik gelap. Sesekali nak cucuk puting dalam mulut anak dalam gelap bukan senang. Sekali cucuk masuk hidung melalak lisa. Timing penting sebelum anak ko menjerit pukul 3 pagi, baik ko ada night vision eyes yang bleh sumbat puting skali cuba.

2. Ayah kena jadi Flash. Ko ingat rumah dua tingkat senang? Pastikan stamina tinggi utk smpi ke bilik dalam masa 5 saat sebelum anak ko tahu dia tido sorang-sorang.

3. Ayah kena ada telinga bionic. Baby CCTV? Tak perlu ada. Kalau ada duit nak juga aku beli satukan. Tpi jadi ayah kena pastikan tahu beza anak org sebelah, anak org belakang dan anak kucing yang ngangis. Kalau tak penat je lari turun bawah.

4. Ayah kena jadi maid. Kalau yg ada maid kat umah tak aci. Since tanggungjawab rumah juga jatuh kepada ayah kalau tak mampu bela tukang gaji, pastikan jadual membasuh, mengemas, menyapu, menyususun, melipat sudah ada dalam otak.

5. Ayah kena jadi superman. Ini kes aku dah kalah. Ayah tak boleh injured. Aku dah injured. Maybe ACL sebelah kiri pulak. So ayah TAK BOLEH injured.

6. Ayah kena jadi psychologist. Tak yah buat Phd. Buat anak sudah. Kalau tak boleh handle anak tu, ada je aku rasa nak gantung kat kipas.

7. Ayah kena jadi pakar tido. Kalau anak ko setiap malam tido kul 12, bilanya maw siap keje rumah?? So pastikan ada skill tido kan anak sblm 9pm. Extra time boleh main badminton dgn isteri. hahahah.

8. Ayah kena jadi punching bag. Sbb wife kadang kala goes boink sbb bukan senang jadi ibu, So kalau kena tumbuk mental and emosi tuh, ready je. Jgn rebah. baru Ultras. heheh

9. Ayah kena jadi ninja. Jangan ko berani bising spt jatuhkan barang atau batuk kuat-kuat. Anak bangun ko mampos. Sila pumping 100 kali.

10. Ayah kena jadi GPS. Kalau ada emergency pastikan semua dalam otak. Tak boleh terhegeh-hegeh lagi. Kalau tak mmg anak ko elok2 boleh tahan sejam tanpa ragam, akan melalak sbb ko sesat jalan or jam nak ke hospital.

11. Ayah kena jadi PM. Sometimes executive decision in the family agak sukar dilakukan when it comes to responsibility.

12. Ayah kena jadi binatang yang comel. Kadang-kadang anak suka bapak jadi singa laut, badak sumbu, walrus dan sebagainya. Jadi laa binatang ini supaya anak gelak, siap dengan suara lagi.

13. Ayah kena jadi hulk. Kalau anak ko dah 7kg, macho mcm mana, bicep besar mana, pegang sejam dah lenguh. so pastikan buat muka tahan jee kalau lenguh pun.

Walaupun ada list 13 nih, jasa ibu / isteri anda tidak tertanggung. Lagi bnyk gangguan emosi dan mental berbanding ayah. So sayangi isteri anda, dan juga ingat jasa ibu anda. So jangan laa perasan jadi ayah ini hebat,


hmo

Future Tense..

Assalamualaikum and hye..

First of all pray for MH17, MH370, GAZA and also pray for Malaysia..

Its been a hot month. Ramadhan pulak tuh. Dugaan. Selamat berpuasa. I have been nostalgic again. Cant help it. Is it the sign that I am getting old? Anak baru satu. Uban baru je sehelai dua.

Maybe because a few weeks ago, my best friend, Khalisa godmomma got married with her love life. Then my room mate for life Nik Sai came down to KL and spend the holidays at my house. Again you cant take away the "UM" nostalgia from you.

One of my best buddy Siddiq also got married. Majlis penuh dengan makanan. Macam pesta. I couldn't get enough from the food. Perut dah tak macam dulu. Kalau dulu aku yakin, I will be eating sampai Azan Asar.

 

Biomed 2005 and their extended families. Aku pegang anak arina. Bakal menantu org kata. haahahha

Lisa meragam sampai tak sempat amik gambar personal dengan Alinur n Azim. Crapp... Anyway Lisa dah ada godmomma and godgrandmomma. hahahahahah.

Pose budak-budak Biomed adalah wajib. I just couldn't miss majlis Sid. I have to come even though Sarah is 8++ months pregnant and the South bound traffic is like hell. Semoga Nik Sai (beside me) ketumu jodoh dengan segera... 

Bergambar dengan Sid and Mas sebelum dia femes. At least ada proof kenal Sid sebelum dia jadi retis.  Support Sid at https://www.facebook.com/OfficialSiddiqSafian 

For those who don't know, I had a baby girl ++2 months ago. Yes, its not on FB. I don't feel like advertising her yet. hahaha. But I don't mind my friends or family who posted her pictures. Anyway, thanks for those who came down for the majlis aqiqah. Seronok okay orang ramai turun kat nilai.

Thanks to Sid Retis yang datang sehari sebelum majlis aqiqah pada pukul 11 malam semata mata untuk menunaikan janjinya untuk lepak dengan aku. Dengan mata terkatup-katupnya, we still do have a very fruitful discussion about life. And thanks to Sid Retis jugalah yang datang pagi-pagi kat rumah aku tolong angkat kerusi and sapu sampah, kaut rumput dan juga menjadi photographer sambilan. hehe.

Combination of Lisa talking to me in the morning.

Lisa when she has nothing to say.

When Mike met Lisa.

Majlis Aqiqah Lisa and Zhariff. Pity Zhariff was admitted to HKL the day before.

Mari ramai-ramai botakkan Lisa. 

I hope that Lisa will pursue her studies in UM, just like her father, mother, aunts, uncles, granduncles, grandaunts, and friends of her fathers and mothers. Maybe, she would take pictures at the iconic yearly numbers in front of DTC. UM for life okay!

UM 2011

It took me 2 weeks to complete this post. A lot had happen since then. I am looking in a new venture and I hope that it will last me longer than 2 years. hehe.

salam
hmo

Past tense..

Assalamualaikum and hye..

Since a few weeks ago, I am a bit touchy. And in this moment, I do miss my friends a lot. Not that I do not miss my family, but my friends are special too.

A part of me, i really appreciate my friends to another level. Some of them are already as good as family members. They could just come to my house or my parents house and make their own Milo and sleep on my bed, and even if I am not there, they are welcome.

Siddik got married a month ago. Luckily we still got in touch. I always imagine that if he got married, his life will be 80% eating at home. He will get fat soon.

My capo di tutti, Alinur is getting married soon. Met her a week ago when she went down to Langat visiting my daughter. You are lucky because you park your car at UM engineering faculty, a nice walk up the scary stairs to medic faculty, and walk through pass all the great people who had pass through those halls. I still remember when we were in first year of anatomy Dr Bharti class at medic hall. All those old wooden table with scars and graffiti, I wonder who are the great mind and people who had been seating there for almost 100 years. We are lucky enough to be sitting inside the hall room, and you get to pass it everyday.

Nik Sai, I hope all the best for you. I pray for you finding a suitable wife and work in KL. What is our next gadget?

My close future PhD friend is also getting married. I don't know if I could mention her name here. Maybe she wants it to be a secret. Anyway, I will crash your wedding with a stroller, or should I not come at all since you did not attend mine? hehe.

Jasmina is one of my friend who always get checked on my phone book. She is the quiet one, but I know she is living her life to the best. She still manage to go diving or visit some nice island somewhere sometime. Jealous of her.

Jess, a stern supporter of Reds, I am sorry girl, not your season. When is our teh tarik session laaa my friend?

Kak mah, I hope you are recovering. I tried to call her few times, but I could not get through. Maybe she does not want to be disturb for the time being.

Abbad, I could learn a lot from him. He had been down in the pit twice but still managed to climb up the stairs. He is the first person I met in HUKM (coincidentally) when Sarah is going to labor.  

Arina has two sons now. Mike and Imran, and her husband is still cool even in the hot weather.
.
Ena- Haris is expecting soon. Get ready my friend.

Met Maria like 6 months ago at Empire. Reminiscing the old time. I think she is at Sabah or Sarawak now. An agent for Shaklee and doing great. Buat malu gaji engineer je. heheh

Qish just came back visiting Makkah. I hope your prayers will be fulfilled by Allah SWT.

One thing I like about majlis perkahwinan is that we could meet our friends. Laugh a bit, smile a bit and eat a  lot. Make it Batu Pahat, Gombak, Port Dickson, KL, InsyAllah sentiasa ada kawan yang datang menceriakan majlis plus with a big nice gift funded by generous friends. I think we had a good concept of collecting money and buying nice gift to our friend who is getting married. Next is Alinur. I think she wants a new car. Hmm....

I have few more friends that I did not stated here. I do remember all of you. Sometimes we just unable to get in touch. And yeah, congrats to Dr Moo. Nanti anak aku masuk UM senang. hahhaha

UM. I miss UM. I just went through all my old post. I wonder if time changed me. I hope I am a better person, friend, husband, father and son. I think we miss out our pictures for year 2012 and 2013 at UM. Can we ask the administrator to put number 2 and 3 temporarily so that we could snap our pictures there?

A lot happen to me these few weeks. I got a baby girl. I will blog about it later. She is a cute one (anak sendiri cakap cute saja).

Salam.
HMO

The Amsterdam Post Pt 3..

Assalamualaikum and Hye..

-Continue-

I am very fond of Amsterdam right now. I just learned that, it is one of the "happiest" place to live in. Paris? nah... London? nah... When I visit these two places, I really feel unsafe, London you could find Malaysian everywhere. But each people has their own opinion. We are allowed to agree and disagree.

While listening to Scorpions and RBS Six Nation live on telly, it makes my brain to churn more ideas and write while I had the time and pleasure.

A lot of my friends actually don't know where I work, or my core of business. It does not matter to me. Its rare and only a circle of community in Malaysia knows what it is. But once in Europe, our discipline is large and more well known.

Anyway, my official work days start at Amsterdam Arena aka Ajax Amsterdam Stadium. Boon Edam installed revolving doors at the stadium and the company had special relationship as a provider.

Welcome screen

We all in green for coffee. Unfortunately the coffee is not green. Its black..

One of many revolving doors installed in Amsterdam Arena

I alone represent Boon Edam South East Asia (BESEA). I had to make a home made video representing our BESEA and Malaysia itself. It was great. Kinda proud of what i made from scratch and editing it through Sony Vegas Pro. Compared to others....

Then we are invited for a tour of the stadium, IT WAS MARVELOUS!.  Superb stadium, it could only hold around 55000 fans, half the size of Bukit Jalil, but even with out the fans, you could feel how close each fans could be and while I was there, you could here the roar of the fans for miles. It was Ajax vs PSV and the second match was Ajax vs Feyenoord.

Murals drawn by fans.. 

And.. Unexpectedly, I met with Ronald de Boer...!! The Ajax legend himself! And also an autograph from him!! YEAH!!

SMILE!!

Everyone copied what I did.. HAAHHAHA

Changing room, and interview stage post match..

The next day was more formal. We had our sales meeting and sales training.. Learn a few tips, could try it out in the local scene. Mana tahu jadi..

Smile!

After all those babbling, we are treated with the boat cruise and a GREAT dinner.

Pictures taken from the boat..

EAT!!

Our last working day was in Edam. Our headquarters. 45 minutes drive from the city center. This is where also they manufacture all the products and shipped it all around the globe.

Nice office and factory..

I think that wraps up my business trip to Holland. Its a lovely place to go, and I don't mind doing it again.

I ended it with a signage, with love " Paris Gare du Nord"

salam
hmo